By Julian Rodriguez Marin
MEXICO CITY – Unfaithfulness between men and women gets more frequent every day as couples find staying together for a lifetime less and less attractive, so that monogamous marriages are a reality for only a minority of Mexicans, psychiatrist Alfredo Whaley told Efe.
The therapist from Mexico’s National Psychiatry Institute believes that infidelity in couples is now a fixture of the human condition, local media recently cited him as saying.
Whaley said that the infidelity attributed to men because of their supposed desire for lovers on the side is increasingly imitated by women.
“They also cheat on their partners and they do so not only as a reaction to boredom, lack of affection or as a way of taking revenge, but also to satisfy their sexual appetites, for the emotional and physical pleasure of it, and is an individual choice that each one makes,” the psychiatrist told Efe.
He said that the image of the selfless, faithful wife has changed since women’s liberation began and said that many females have all kinds of lovers, and sometimes even pay for sex.
Whaley said that just as men seek extramarital sex, women do the same and for the same reasons.
He said that female infidelity is more guarded and better hidden, a woman is more discreet and it often takes a husband years to discover that she has been playing around.
In contrast, the macho culture pushes men to brag about their conquests while trumpeting and exaggerating their sexual prowess and letting the world know about their extramarital affairs, the expert said.
The specialist said that based on his clinical experience and voluminous literature on the subject, he can say that the concept of fidelity has changed considerably over the past few decades.
“Infidelity once had no other meaning but having sexual intercourse outside of marriage, but then it began to include romantic adventures and love affairs,” he said.
“Today, however, couples’ relationships can include a range of sexual practices in threesomes or more, exchanging partners Swinger-style, having a loving ‘free’ friend, being an open couple, and many other indulgences that are no longer considered infidelity,” the specialist said.
He said that in open relationships, called “free” or between “loving friends,” there are no ties or commitments.
Among the types of infidelity, Whaley named four, first and foremost being the casual encounter, the fleeting adventure, or, “as Mexicans say, letting your hair down.”
The second is romantic infidelity, the relationship with another person that involves the fantasy of love, typical of an affair with someone married to another – “these are relationships that seek erotic arousal imbued with infatuation.”
“Sometimes people are looking for spiritual content that their marriage no longer possesses,” he said.
The third case is structural infidelity, two-timing a partner to take revenge, as a payoff for grievances, a permanent punishment for his or her betrayal – “it is a permanent, perverse aggression.”
Finally, he cited cultural infidelity based on the macho culture, the ritual of having a mistress or a “home away from home” as part of the perfect male image. EFE